Some phrases come up again and again in appointments. They are not always meant unkindly. Sometimes they are shorthand for a doctor running out of time, or out of ideas, or working from a model of pain that was never built to explain what you are experiencing. But the effect is the same either way: you leave the room with less than you came in with.
You cannot control what a doctor says to you. You can control what you say back. Below are some of the most common dismissive comments, what is usually happening underneath them, and language you can use in the moment.
These are not guaranteed to change a doctor’s mind. What they are meant to do is keep the appointment on record, keep you in the conversation as someone with information rather than someone being managed, and give you something concrete to say when you are too tired or too frustrated to think of it yourself.
“It’s probably just stress.”
Stress can affect the body. It is not a diagnosis, and it is not a reason to stop investigating.
Try: “I understand stress can affect pain. What tests or examinations would rule out other causes before we settle on that as the explanation?”
This puts the burden back where it belongs: on ruling things out, not on you accepting a theory because nothing else was offered.
“There’s nothing more we can do.”
This usually means nothing more within this doctor’s current toolkit, in this appointment, today. It does not mean nothing more exists.
Try: “Can we put in writing what has been ruled out so far? And can you refer me to a specialist, or tell me what my other options are, even if you don’t think they’ll help?”
Asking for a written record of what has and has not been investigated is one of the most useful things you can do. It becomes evidence for the next doctor, the next referral, or a future complaint if you need one.
“Have you tried losing weight?”
Even when weight is a relevant factor, this comment is often used as an explanation on its own, without further investigation. It can end a conversation that should have kept going.
Try: “I’d like my pain investigated on its own terms, separately from a conversation about weight. Can we do that first, and revisit weight afterward if it’s still relevant?”
You are allowed to ask for two separate conversations. You do not have to accept one as a substitute for the other.
“Your bloods came back normal.”
Normal test results rule out certain conditions. They do not rule out pain, and they are not proof that nothing is wrong.
Try: “I understand those results are reassuring for some conditions. What else can be tested, and what would you investigate next if the pain were happening to you?”
That last part, asking what they would do in your position, sometimes shifts a doctor from managing you to actually thinking with you.
“It’s all in your head” or “This sounds psychosomatic.”
Pain is processed by the nervous system, so in one narrow sense, all pain involves the brain. That is not what this comment usually means, and it is often used to end investigation rather than to explain a mechanism.
Try: “I’d like to understand what you mean by that more specifically. What would confirm that, and what would rule it out?”
Asking a dismissive comment to define itself is often enough to expose that there is no clear answer behind it.
“You’re too young for this.”
Age can make some conditions less statistically likely. It does not make them impossible, and it is not a diagnostic tool.
Try: “I understand it’s less common at my age. Can we still investigate it properly, rather than ruling it out because of that?”
“Let’s just watch and wait.”
Sometimes this is the right call. Sometimes it is what happens when a doctor does not have a next step and does not want to say so.
Try: “What specifically are we watching for, and when should I come back if it doesn’t improve? Can we agree on a timeframe now, rather than leaving it open-ended?”
An open-ended “wait and see” can become months of nothing. A specific timeframe, ideally written into your notes, gives you something to hold the next appointment to.
“Have you tried yoga or mindfulness?”
These can be useful alongside proper investigation and treatment. The problem is when they are offered as a replacement for it, before a cause has even been looked into.
Try: “I’m open to that alongside other treatment, but I’d like the underlying cause investigated first. Can we do both?”
“This seems connected to your ACC claim” or comments about motivation
This is one of the more damaging comments you may hear, because it reframes your pain as a question of incentive rather than a question of fact. It draws on a wider pattern, sometimes called secondary gain framing, where a person’s reported symptoms are treated as suspect because they stand to receive some benefit, such as compensation or time off work, if believed.
Try: “I want to be clear that I am seeking treatment because I am in pain, not because of any claim. Can we keep the clinical assessment and the claims process separate, and can you document that clearly in your notes?”
This is worth saying calmly and clearly, and worth asking to have recorded. If you suspect this language is already in your file, you have the right to request your medical records and see what has been written about you.
“Come back if it gets worse.”
Worth asking what “worse” means in practical terms, since pain that stays constant but severe can otherwise be left unaddressed indefinitely.
Try: “It’s already significant now. What would ‘worse’ look like specifically, and is there anything we should be doing at the current level, rather than waiting for it to escalate?”
A few things to remember going in
You are allowed to ask for things in writing. A summary of what has been ruled out, a plan for what happens next, or a specific timeframe are all reasonable things to request before you leave the room.
You are allowed to bring someone with you. A support person, family member, or advocate can sit in on the appointment with you. This is a right, not a favour, and having a second person present can also help you remember what was actually said afterward.
You are allowed to ask for a second opinion. Disagreement from one doctor is not the end of the process.
You do not have to resolve everything in one appointment. If you run out of time or energy, it is reasonable to say so and ask to continue the conversation at a follow-up.
None of these scripts guarantee a different outcome. What they do is keep you in the room as someone asking precise questions, rather than someone absorbing a verdict. Precision is harder to dismiss than distress, even though it should not have to be that way.
